Why this blog exists...

This blog is a journal, a memento of my feelings, thoughts and personal experience of being a gestational carrier.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Almost 10 weeks..what?

Finally a new post here. Several of my dear followers have issued threats if I didn't write. There is not much going on here. I had some bleeding last week and instantly panicked that I was going to miscarry. I didn't of course and am still going strong. I've been so nervous lately. A few of the ladies on our surrogate message board have had some issues. One lost the baby at 5 weeks. Another got positive pregnancy tests only to have lost it the following week and another who is halfway through carrying twins is having complications. I don't even know what I would do if that happened to me.

I am intensely afraid even now that something bad is going to happen. More so than with my children. I was thinking about it and realized that I think in this instance it has got to be so difficult on the surrogate and-perhaps I am wrong here-but maybe even more so than on the Intended Parents. This isn't to be insensitive to the parents and their feelings but knowing what I've gone through already from medications to mood swings, the thought of starting all over again from scratch just sounds devastating.

When I signed up for this I knew that all of these things were possibilities. I am a strong person and truly believe that anyone would have to be to be in this position. I mean I started my medications on January 8 and will begin weaning off of the last of them next week. That is 3 months of shots and pills and vaginal pills too! I feel for those women, more than I could imagine because not only do they have to go through a miscarriage and the hormonal effects of getting off the medications cold turkey but they have to prepare their bodies to do it all over again, this time with perhaps a less optimistic view of the process.

I have my last ultrasound on Monday April 11 before I am turned over to normal prenatal care. I hope that this ultrasound is a positive one as I continue on this journey. I will be more than thrilled when the first trimester is over and I can breathe a little easier to know that the likelihood of complications drops.

Thanks to all who read. It is nice to know some people care about me and the impact this is having on not only the parents but on my life as well.

5 comments:

  1. I hoppe you and your IFs have a healthy happy pregnancy with no more bleeding scares! Surro-pregnancies really are nerve wracking; so much goes into making them happen and you feel such a huge sense of just how important it is to so many people! They are pretty amazing and fantastic too, just enjoy each day with your surro-babe and hope for the best (yes, easier said than done - I know!)! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for sharing your experiences of surrogacy!
    Help us to promote awareness of surrogacy through World Surrogacy Day on 4th November 2011...
    http://world-surrogacy-day.org

    ReplyDelete
  3. no matter what happens, it will all work out, and there is no use worrying! :) stay positive!

    ReplyDelete
  4. yay! Finally an update! I don't think you have to worry...when I think Addie Gann, I think fertility goddess.

    ReplyDelete