Why this blog exists...

This blog is a journal, a memento of my feelings, thoughts and personal experience of being a gestational carrier.

Monday, February 21, 2011

My transfer experience!

My transfer was yesterday. Here is how it all went down. My husband and I got to Bridgeport on Thursday night. I was expecting a Day 5 transfer so I knew it was unlikely that I would have the transfer on Friday but I was there on the off chance that they decided to do so. Anyway, we get to the Holiday Inn around 9pm, after we had both worked that day and got home and rushed around to get ready and drop off out children to our friends who were going to watch them.

I barely slept that night, knowing that tomorrow could/would change my life. I barely ate breakfast the next morning. I have a nervous stomach so I wasn't sure when/if things would happen. I wasn't sure what the potential timeline was so I called CFA around 8:30. They told me that if I hadn't heard anything and didn't hear anything before 10 or 11 then it wasn't going to be on Friday. I took a much needed nap as time passed and were set knowing it would be Sunday.

My husband and I took the day to relax a bit at the hotel. There is a mall near CFA so we did a bit of shopping-why not right? We had a wonderful dinner with our IF's on Friday night, staying out until past 10pm! Shock, it was way past normal bedtime! Honestly though I was thrilled to get the chance to chat with them more and they had lots of questions as did I. They had no idea what I had been going through as far as medications and shots. They were just told that I was on medications but hadn't a clue to what that entailed so it was nice to let them know what was going on and how I was feeling about it all.

Saturday rolled around and I felt a bit nauseous. I think the morning dose of Doxycycline may be at fault but I'm not sure....so we kind of stayed up cozy n our room. Bridgeport isn't exactly a city you want to take a stroll among. I was getting anxious and restless, I admit. I desperately began to miss my children but I enjoyed getting some much needed rest and time to think, which I did. I started a journal for the baby, separate from this forum or my blog where, should the parents choose to give it to them when they are older, they will know the experience I went through and how special it was for me.

Sunday comes and we play the waiting game. I obsessively check my phone, making sure I didn't miss a call and that my volume was at the highest level should I mistakenly miss it....10:10 rolls around and I finally decide to call CFA, I just can't wait any longer. Come to find out that they said I was supposed to be there at 10!! I was not informed of this so I was a little upset but I didn't really have time to think about it as we rushed to CFA for my long awaited transfer. I called the IF's and they were on their way already so we all got there about the same time. As it was Sunday there was no one else there so we got right in. I got into a johnny and was sitting on the table. The nurse told me that they had just recently changed their process so as it used to be done in a surgical room, they were now done in more like an exam room. There was soft lighting, nice music and a large tv showing peaceful landscapes. It set a nice mood. They put on my arm band and I was told to lay down, Dr. Williams came in and briefly told me what was going to happen. My IF's were a little uncomfortable being in the room with me so they waited in the waiting room. My husband attempted to take pictures. The placed in the speculum and from that point on I really didn't feel anything! It was less unpleasant than a regular pap smear! They placed in the catheter and on the large TV screen I saw the embryos, both of them looking beautiful. As Dr. Williams got them he said they were both in a drop of liquid! I never really thought about them as so small! Next he said that he was inserting via the catheter and placed in my uterus. He double checked to make sure neither of them got stuck in the catheter and said everything looked great! That was it! It took less than 10 minutes to change so many lives! The IF's got a large picture of the embryos. They were in shock but elated.

I go in on Tuesday to get initial blood work done and will find out March 1 if I am indeed pregnant. The waiting game begins...

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Coming up transfer...and the scary shots!

So...I started my Progesterone in Oil injections on Monday. Let me tell you these needles are quite large and they have to be injected in the muscle which essentially I was given two choices, my upper thigh or my upper bum...and I have read several places that the upper thigh is more uncomfortable so I had to get myself prepped to inject this huge thick needle into my bum.

Not only this but the medicine itself is oil-based so it is pretty thick. I took a half hour to finally do it. I called Mike in several times to say "I can't do it..I just can't!" and he says "You have to". I sucked it up and finally did it..after I poked at my skin a few times and even that hurt!

Once I got through the skin it wasn't bad. I pushed that oil in like it was my job. I have to take these shots every morning until I am 10 weeks pregnant. So roughly 3 months. I know don't be so jealous of how awesome that sounds. But it is all worth it.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Transfer Date Set!!!!

My transfer timeline is set! The egg donor's retrieval is Tuesday so I will have my transfer either Friday or Sunday. This actually works out so perfect for me because Monday February 21 is a bank holiday and as I work in a Treasury, bank holidays are like mini work holidays where we don't have to do all of our normal banking transactions. Good news all around! Now if only there was a way around injecting a needle into my bum, that would be nice.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Crisis Averted

Soo.....I almost ran out of needles to inject Lupron. I realize last night I had two left. Enough for today and tomorrow Luckily Freedom Pharmacy will deliver more on Thursday, just in time for my next injection. Whew! That could have been bad.

A girl at work's sister had twin boys yesterday. Both were over seven pounds! I was excited for her and I realized how excited I am to have another baby, even if it isn't my own. Another girl at work is pregnant and due in a few weeks. She was talking today about how uncomfortable she is and how she can't stand it when the baby has hiccups or sleeps and moves around. I of course started to get dreamy and reminisced of the days when my babies did those things when I was pregnant. She told me that she could never do what I was doing.

I realized then that I suppose I am not like everyone else who has been pregnant. I mean I know there are women who've had horrible pregnancies and were miserable. I loved every minute of mine...well okay maybe not EVERY minute but I really do relish in the idea of getting to do it again. My husband will be getting a vasectomy in March and while I think that our family is complete, a part of my is so very sad that I will never carry and birth my own child ever again. I will never know that incredible feeling of meeting my new child again for the first time.

I know that being a carrier is going to fulfill this need while allowing me to give the most wonderful gift to another family. I couldn't be happier with my decision.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

So many things..

So many things to be nervous, excited, scared, elated..(insert pretty much any adjective here). I'm so excited about my upcoming transfer in about two weeks. I had an ultrasound this past week to look at my uterine lining. I could probably go into more detail but really, who wants to read that? I was bummed to find out on Friday that my lining was not as thick as it needed to be and it would push my transfer out a week. Boo....I ridiculously thought that I had reason to feel guilty about that which I know is not true..so I have to go back for another ultrasound on Thursday but the doctor at my agency is confident that everything will be fine and has decided not to push the transfer date out. The egg donor has already started her meds so I guess all will be okay.

One of the medicines I'm taking-Estrace- is making me gain weight...yeah like I need that. And to my luck, I take that medicine 2 pills twice a day and have had to make that three doses now just to make sure my lining thickens as it should. I find that throughout this whole process one might think that being pregnant is the tough part but really getting pregnant is the true test. I'm so scared that I won't get pregnant, or worse get pregnant and lose the pregnancy. I admit, I'm terrified. Arg too depressing.

I'm gonna make some daddies! I'm gonna make some daddies! W00t