Why this blog exists...

This blog is a journal, a memento of my feelings, thoughts and personal experience of being a gestational carrier.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

First photo of the baby!

Here is the baby at 10 weeks. I told the daddies that I think it looks like a Gingerbread Man Cookie. I suppose it could look like something worse. See the little arm and leg nubs? Too cool. I didn't get the pleasure of seeing my babies this early in the womb so it was a pleasure to see this little one so early. I am so excited to begin having a "normal" pregnancy from here on. I no longer need to be monitored by Connecticut Fertility Associates and can be seen at Cheshire Medical Center. Although to be honest I am most excited that I get to start weaning off the medications. I have to take the Progesterone shot every other day, take Estrace from twice a day to once a day, Prometrium every other day for another 2 weeks. I think I can handle that. I wish I could say that I would be able to take a celebratory time out to have a margarita with my pal Chelsea but alas that will have to wait for another 7 months.
I'm ready for all of this. I was looking at maternity clothes online today. I have to say that I was excited to bring them out of storage at my house. I repeat as I have said before...Progesterone makes you gain weight. I am not just someone that decided to let myself go because I am pregnant. I have gained more weight than I thought I would and am frankly ready to start wearing a few of the ol' maternity clothes. Meh, I don't really mind. I accept it and really, if I didn't like wearing the clothes among other things, I wouldn't have been able to commit to being a surrogate.

That being said I am so excited to move forward, to experience everything that is to come.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Almost 10 weeks..what?

Finally a new post here. Several of my dear followers have issued threats if I didn't write. There is not much going on here. I had some bleeding last week and instantly panicked that I was going to miscarry. I didn't of course and am still going strong. I've been so nervous lately. A few of the ladies on our surrogate message board have had some issues. One lost the baby at 5 weeks. Another got positive pregnancy tests only to have lost it the following week and another who is halfway through carrying twins is having complications. I don't even know what I would do if that happened to me.

I am intensely afraid even now that something bad is going to happen. More so than with my children. I was thinking about it and realized that I think in this instance it has got to be so difficult on the surrogate and-perhaps I am wrong here-but maybe even more so than on the Intended Parents. This isn't to be insensitive to the parents and their feelings but knowing what I've gone through already from medications to mood swings, the thought of starting all over again from scratch just sounds devastating.

When I signed up for this I knew that all of these things were possibilities. I am a strong person and truly believe that anyone would have to be to be in this position. I mean I started my medications on January 8 and will begin weaning off of the last of them next week. That is 3 months of shots and pills and vaginal pills too! I feel for those women, more than I could imagine because not only do they have to go through a miscarriage and the hormonal effects of getting off the medications cold turkey but they have to prepare their bodies to do it all over again, this time with perhaps a less optimistic view of the process.

I have my last ultrasound on Monday April 11 before I am turned over to normal prenatal care. I hope that this ultrasound is a positive one as I continue on this journey. I will be more than thrilled when the first trimester is over and I can breathe a little easier to know that the likelihood of complications drops.

Thanks to all who read. It is nice to know some people care about me and the impact this is having on not only the parents but on my life as well.